Wow, I honestly didn't expect replies this soon, Just thought i'd come back and clear a few things up and give an update on things...
when I posted this first thread my mind was all over the place as it was all all quite recent. Since then i've had time to think and time to talk to my partner to help clear my mind a bit.
I've come to the realisation that nothing will happen between the 4 of us again sexually, and I should be thankful for the one(or two) off opportunity that did happen.
Though the girl continues to secretly flirt with us both, I realise thats all it is, flirting! even though shes trying to make things work out with her current relationship, when shes had a drink her inhibitions go out the window and she admits her sexual attraction to us.
Which has made it hard for us to reject the advances, but hey we want her to be happy and we don't want to be the temptation that causes stress on her relationship...
Also I talked to my fiancÚ about the love confessions, and I've gotta be honest it completely threw me off, Yes, it was fantastic to hear that it wasn't one sided in school, but I've decided it makes my life much easier if I recognise she said that, but try my best to forget the part where she said she still loved me.
I might have also confused things in my own mind, mistaking old feelings, where I loved this girl all the way through school and thought that the feelings were the same now, Yes I still love her, but its a totally different kind of love to which I share with my finacÚ. It's more a feeling of caring for her, helping her with all her issues, and always being there for her to talk to. These are qualities most people have in really good friendships, but with everything thats happened, like seeing someone I haven't seen for years, the threesome, and all the care/attention I've been givin her, I confused as something more.
I know this message has caused a bit of a stir, so I thought i'd clear things up a bit.
It seems really arrogant for me to say this... But I genuinely feel that neither my fiancÚ or this other girl, will find anyone who will love them and care for them as much as I do, not to mention the added bonus of the bedroom antics.
All I meant by this was I have a large capacity to Love and to care for these people, I've never said to my fiancÚ or the other girl that they won't find anyone who will love them and care for them as much as me. I've never even implied such a message, as the last thing I would want to be is emotionally abusive, or reducing their self esteem. I simply meant that I know in my own mind that I could care for both unconditionally.
As for the whole losing friends thing, again I may have over exaggerated a little, rest assured that all the people that played these games with us while drinking were open to the idea, and some even instigated it themselves. When the morning came, its not so much a feeling of awkwardness, its more a feeling of "Dude, I had fun, but i was drunk" much the same as many one night stands... Of course I'm not proud of this, but we're a mid 20's couple, who enjoy a night of drinking etc. Also its not as these incidents are the root cause to why we lose contact with our friends, my fiancÚ and I recently moved 60 odd miles across country and we see these people less and less.
Me and my finacÚ have had a very deep and emotional talk, and we've realised that we both want to focus on our wedding for the time being, but also that we're reading off the same page in regards to an open relationship. We're both open to the idea of inviting people to join us, but only in the bedroom. Not into our relationship. One of the main reasons why our relationship is strong, is because no matter what happens, we're always together as a team.
Thanks again for all your messages, it really did help to get a better perspective on my whole situation