you're not going to get rid of me so easily.
I don't want "a nice single (non-poly) man for casual dating". For starters, I don't WANT casual dating! I want a serious, loving relationship, just like other people want. I don't have the freedom to move in with anyone or have them move in with me because of a promise I made to my kids. Also, I have less time than is enough for most partners. Not less love to give, just less TIME.
And i don't mind being "secondary" in status to another woman at all. I just want not to be just a sexual plaything. I don't think it's automatically true that to be a secondary, you need to be just a "fuck buddy".
And I think that logically, there IS less cheating in the poly community. To say there isn't is a pretty serious indictment of polyamory. I think it's the reverse: if you are a cheater, you are NOT really part of the poly community. You don't have the moral courage to be. I have met a handful of poly people in real life now, and the thing that impresses me about them is their ethics. they tell me things like "I used to be a cheater, but then I decided i couldn't do that to her anymore, because I love her. So I confessed, and we negotiated this new relationship, and it's harder than cheating, but it's better."
Men who have the balls and the empathy to do that are the pool of partners I intend to choose my beloved from. Even if this board labels me as "not really poly."