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Old 05-15-2013, 06:43 AM
Numina Numina is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139
Default Things I've been reading about.

The following quoted from -

http://polyinthepond.blogspot.com/20...gotiation.html

“For example: Mad Science goes out with a girl and they have sex and it eats into my time I feel jealous. Our arrangement is based on our shared belief that one person cannot meet all of another person's needs and that we only want to see the other person happy. So I look at why I feel jealous. Am I afraid she will "take him away from me" or "her needs are more important than mine"? Those are ideas based in fear and possession. I acknowledge I feel jealous, I also acknowledge what idea is behind that. I give myself permission to feel it and let it go. It doesn't serve the relationship for me to be jealous. I go to Mad Science and say: "Can we negotiate some more time together just you and me?" and we do.”

. . .

“ I also find it is helpful to be friends with or at least friendly toward the metamour. She becomes human to me. Knowing her motives and feelings helps ease my mind. I take responsibility for my feelings by recognizing them, acknowledging them, assessing their usefulness, and stating my needs when rational.”



Jealousy. Still? Yes, probably, maybe, IDK. Maybe just fear, and resentment. Either way; at this point I think (or feel) that this is an issue for me because I have learned her motives, and they do not ease my mind.



In February, Chipmunk basically told Airyn that she should be his primary (because she deserves that), and therefore I (don’t deserve that and) shouldn’t have a significant place in his life. Her previous “I’ll not let another guy come between us” statement of being committed to just Airyn, and not dating anyone else came to a halt. She told Airyn that if he won’t be with just her then she was going to start seeing/sleeping with other guys. (From what I learned about the conversation it was mostly sex based, but I could be wrong)

Later when Things were looking like a split between Airyn and I was coming, she also admitted to not being ok with Wolf having a significant place in Airyn’s life. She told Airyn something about not being ok with being a stepmom. They were talking about him possibly having Wolf full time.

And (as I have commented before) she had been planning a wedding with Airyn since early on.



Another quote -

http://polyinthepond.blogspot.com/20...unication.html

“The negative feelings of resentment, anger and fear can be summed up this way...

Resentment is not getting my way in the past,
Anger is not getting my way in the present,
and Fear is not getting my way in the future.”


Yep that’s me. So we work on it, or attempt to anyway.
__________________
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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