So where do we stand right now?
Airyn is dating Chipmunk, on a much more limited basis than before. Thereís an odd mix of knowledge, and lack of knowledge as to where their relationship stands. I want to know, but since his (continued) relationship with Chipmunk upsets me he doesnít want to talk about it. There are some rules or temporary guidelines. I believe all our rules are considered changeable, some more so than others, but all have an expectation (from both of us) of being relaxed (or set aside completely) at some point.
Airyn has decided that he is ok with me dating guys, and girls. Not just girls, and not just a NSBF. This has yet to be tested outside of talking about it, so Iím not certain. But then Iím not certain about a lot of things still.
Airyn and I have also talked about him dating other women, and the possibility of dating the same person in the future. Mostly just talking about expectation, rules/boundaries. Timelines, maturity, things to avoid.
Things just between he and I?
Well thatís been hit and miss. Very rocky and uncertain for a while. We are more solidly decided to work things out between us, and have had some very good times together. Unfortunately Iím still very much hurt, I still react poorly to seeing Chipmunk (have seen her very, very little since she moved out). Anxiety, stress, anger, you name it. Increased heart rate, headache, light headed (with black spots in my vision) to the point of almost blacking out (fainting), and an inability to think clearly. The jealousy issue that (I now realize started popping up around the year end holidays) are still with me. So yeah thereís still a lot of hurt here thatís not so easy to work with or around. Or even to talk about sometimes.
How does one work to find a happy place with someone, when they continue to be involved in a relationship that has so negatively impacted our lives? I want to move forward, work things out with Airyn. Make peace with the past (almost) year, but find myself often mired in that past, still hurt, and emotional, even after having a good day, or week, or weekend. I would like for Airyn to understand this better, where Iím coming from so we could talk about it without getting defensive, and angry with each other. And of course I would like for this thing with Chipmunk to be over. They have broken up (and gotten back together) about 5 or 6 times now. The last time was major, and was a ďnever going to see, or speak to her againĒ kind of ending. That lasted a very short time all things considered, and his wanting/and deciding to see her again has been hurtful and upsetting for me on several levels. More on that later maybe. I have other things to share, and things Iím musing, mulling over in my head.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married