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Old 05-15-2013, 05:34 AM
El186 El186 is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
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It sounds to me that she loves you and cares for you, but she is really a mono and wants to be able to accept the poly lifestyle but in the end it is more than she can handle. That is just an observation. I am 53 and have been living with my BF and his wife for 3 years now. It is a struggle. I have determinded that I am a mono and am not sure that I will ever be a poly, but I love him. And I care for his wife. So I am trying to make it work, but I struggle DAILY with my belief systems, with the criticisms from his family, with the jealousy, with feeling like I am "unprotected". I have MULTIPLE problems that I am dealing with. But in hearing what you have said, that is what it sounds like to me. She wants you. Yes, she knows you are married, but she wants you. She feels like she cannot have you, so she starts these other relationships to try to make it not hurt so much. I KNOW that is not healthy behavior and I am NOT condoning it...at all. I can just see where she is coming from. She thinks that if you can have more than one lover so can she and that if you do not want her bad enough to dedicate yourself to her alone, then you should not care that she sees other people and not telling you about it does not matter to her because she is hurt by the whole situation so she does not feel the need to play fairly.

I am SO sorry. But I think that it might be better to let her go her own way. I am not sure that she will ever be able to fit into or understand a poly lifestyle. I thought that I could. I have lived it for 3 years now...and instead of it getting easier, it just seems to get harder. I am hoping it is just a "phase" that I am going thru, but this is the first go round for ANY of us to have a poly relationship and I am clueless and it is really hard for me. We have recently sat down and talked about what we all need and think we can live with and so have "renegotiated" things a bit and I am hoping that will help. But I KNOW that in order for it to work I am going to have to do some SERIOUS counseling and change some of my most basic thoughts and beliefs. I am hoping that I can do so, because I love him more than any man ever. So, I am trying.

It sounds to me like your GF is confused and may be a little to immature yet to be able to change the thinking that she will need to change to REALLY work in a poly relationship. Just my two cents. Good luck to you. Life and love can be hard in general. I hope you find all that you are looking for...
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