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Old 05-15-2013, 04:31 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 891

Originally Posted by shrivelwood View Post
We talk a LOT about inviting other people into our bedroom as its a common fantasy we share, we've managed to involve both a male and a female into separate occasions, though we struggle a lot because very few of our friends are as open minded as us.
What exactly is it you struggle with? Finding people to have group sex with the two of you? And this is because they're not as 'open-minded' as you are? If I have this right, then...what does 'open-minded' mean to you? Does preferring sex one on one or preferring an intimate moment to be private make someone close-minded? Just trying to be clear here on what you're saying.

we've approached many of our friends, who seem eager when they've had a drink but then after a short game of strip poker or something they draw the line at which they are comfortable with... (this is more than fine with me i never try to push peoples boundaries and would never let people do something they're not comfortable with) but anyways... the next morning or days following things just get real awkward, and then they distance themselves from us, and we end up losing friends. =(
So this behavior keeps ruining friendships, but...

recently though... my fiancÚ and I, met up with an old school friend of mine, and we talked and flirted over text for weeks before meeting up with her for a very sexy night.
You keep doing it anyway?

And just a thought, if the pattern is that they do it when they've had a drink--only when they've had a drink?--and then become uncomfortable afterward to the point of avoiding you, and couple that with your opinion that they're 'not as open-minded as you' and you're on a perpetual hunt for new bed partners, it seems to me quite possible that their boundaries were being pushed. Just a thought.

So soon after we had this amazing night together, she met a guy online and began dating him, this didn't stop the flirty texts, sexy pictures, and future plans to meet up again!
Was this new guy aware she was still sending flirty texts and sexy pictures to you, and planning to meet up again?

Rather than cheating on her new boyfriend we all decided to play some games; drinking, stripping & dares. Soon the night got very sexual again, other than the fact her new boyfriend just wasn't "in the mood". So that night ended and it caused a lot of friction between the four of us, and he got very jealous of her speaking to us.
It seems like you keep doing the same thing you always did and keep getting the same results.

Since then me and my fiancÚ have promised to behave so she can have a shot at making it work with her new boyfriend.
Very touching. Very noble. Of course, the girl herself, can make some decisions about how to behave if she really values this new guy and how he ended up feeling about it all. A feeling that, btw, shouldn't entirely surprise you, since you keep having the same results from the same behavior.

It seems really arrogant for me to say this... But I genuinely feel that neither my fiancÚ or this other girl, will find anyone who will love them and care for them as much as I do, not to mention the added bonus of the bedroom antics.
Sound arrogant? You nailed it. JaneQSmythe put it so kindly. I gotta say, to me, having read thousands of postings from women on an infidelity board over the years, it also makes me think how many women didn't leave abusers because the guy had them convinced they'd never "find anyone who will love them and care for them as much as I do." My XH had me convinced of this. Lo and behold, not even remotely true. But convincing women of this can go a long way to destroying their self-esteem such that they tolerate way more than they should.

But she seemed much happier when I explained she would be both our girlfriend...

(of course I haven't mentioned any of this to the girl because she's attempting to make her current relationship work...
So this girl was in love with you 8 years ago in high school. She had a threesome with you two. (Only one?) But she's trying to make a relationship work with this other guy she likes now. But you've assured your GF that this girl will be a joint GF to both of you? Without asking this girl? It's posts like this that leave people thinking some people are out there looking for a living breathing sex toy. You apparently haven't even asked her, and you're already promising her, body and soul, as a gift to your GF! Does she come with a silver bow and a gift tag? What happens if she malfunctions and doesn't go along with the program--can you return her, full purchase price refunded, to her current boyfriend?

So what I guess I really wanna know... is it okay to love 2 people at once? and why should it always have to come down to a choice? I mean, I would never turn my back on my fiancÚ! but in a "traditional" relationship, if one person develops feelings for another it usually signifies they no longer love the original person which ultimately leads to a break up.
Of course it's okay to love two people at once. (And honestly, did you think you'd get any other answer on a poly board?) But I think you should be thinking about much bigger issues right now, like why you'd tell your GF you and she can share this girl without discussing it with the girl herself.
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