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Old 05-14-2013, 06:31 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,176
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Communicating what you want or need is not labeling. Understanding how your particular relationship works and get an handle on expectations, if any, is just regular, expected relationship stuff. None of that requires a label. If you don't have a handle on this relationship, you should ask questions, have conversations and talk things out.

Also, while I personally struggle with this, ambiguity or uncertainty in a relationship is not automatically a sign that something is awry. Sometimes relationships take time to become clearer. Sitting with that reality is uncomfortable and I hate it deeply. But necessary at times.

There seem to me to be two 'types' of people who say they don't use or want labels in relationships. The first are people who really want to see where and how relationship develop. Organically see what happens - someone posted earlier. These folks are basically honest with a healthy ability to tolerate uncertainty. I admire them even as I find labels useful.

The other type are people who don't want any limitations or expectations or responsibilities. Instead of stating that upfront, they use the 'no labels' trope to avoid real discussions, evade any talking about expectations and generally do what they want. It's been my experience that these folks cause drama and leave chaos in their wake. There is nothing wrong with not using or liking labels but sometimes people abuse the principle.

You are the only one who can determine where in this scale - if at all - your partner falls.
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