So, my husband came to me after work last night to discuss this situation some more. He said he couldn't get it off his mind at work all day.
We tried to discuss boundaries and what we were comfortable with. It seemed like we would discuss what we were comfortable with and then step back and then be unsure if we really were.
For instance, we both 100% agree'd we were OK sharing a woman. He's not ok sharing a guy, hes not interested in guys, but he didnt feel it was OK to share a woman but then me not to be able to have a relationship with another man... He did hint at a threesome with another man but he wouldnt be intimate with the man, just share me... i dont know. Im ok having a relationship with another man and sharing a woman together, but then im not sure if im ok with him having a relationship with another woman because he says it would only be a situation where it would be a one night stand at a party if he was drunk and he probably would only do it because he knew I was sleeping with another man at times.
Im not looking to be with multiple men, and I explained that to him. I guess Im not sure how to proceed from here. I want meaningful relationships, not as he put it, him having a drunken one night stand with another woman, and as I told him, if that was the case, im not ok with that scenario......
He says he was ok with the thought of sharing a woman together and me having a boyfriend on the side, but he worries he would get spiteful and then do the one thing im not ok with out of spite because he would be drunk and rationalize that since I had this other relationship, then having a one night stand was ok.
I guess what we got out of the conversation was we were ok with sharing a girlfriend, we always come first, if one of us is not ok with the situation at any given time we can say so and it all stops, our family comes first and we both always have a say in the situation because at the end of the day, we are #1. From there, we dont see to agree on the terms of relationships with the other sex individually... Hes ok with me having a relationship with another man, but im not ok with him thinking a drunken one night stand is ok but if he OKs another relationship with another man, I dont want that fear looming over me that hes going to have a one night stand with some woman. We did agree no matter what, we would NOT have relationships with previous girlfriends/boyfriends and not anyone from our very small town.
Im not sure how to proceed now. We agree'd to let it sit and think about it some more and come back together again. Honestly we are probably communicated better then we have as I feel like it has opened a ground were we arent afraid to discuss anything. A year ago my husband would have never told me he liked the idea of having sex with another woman. He would have lied and said "no honey, i love you and only you and could NEVER have sex with someone else". In the past few days, we have been able to say things to each other and honestly, not take it personally. We both know right now we are just opening up the lines of communication about everything which has felt WONDERFUL but we both know we arent acting on any of it because we havent agree'd to give it a go yet, we're still in the ironing out details and discussing out feelings about the whole thing.
Any words of wisdom and advice on how to proceed from here?