practical problem of family and triad
We have been Poly for a year with our third. She is a part of our life almost everyday. While we have had bumps and bruises this is the first major hurdle in dealing with social situations. First let me tell you that out of the three I am the only one who has family in this town, H's parrents live 2 hours away and K's parrents live an hour away. My dad lives here and my mother lives 2 hours away in the same area as H's parrents.
My parrents know of the fact that there is some relationship with K closer than just friends and they have been very good not to pry. My father is in the same profession as I and he and i have a very good relationship for the first time in my life. He hasnt asked, but has heard tell of some relationship and has choosen to stay out of it, however I am planning on telling him some of it in the near future.
My mother is a pshychatrist and I have divulged that there is a closer than friends relationship between the three of us with her in the past. It did not fall into a discussion of what Poly is, that is something I have planned on doing in person, because of our professions and busy schedules we only see each other a few times a year.
K's parents visit some but she maintains her own residence as she has joint custody of her kids. Mostly her mom comes and they only know of us a friends, but I'm sure if they thought about it they could figure it out from the closeness and amount of time we spend together including several trips a year the three of us take, often without the kids.
H who is my wife of almost 18 years is essentially estranged from her mother, she talks occsionally to her father. There was some personal drama last year and i was asked about H and K having an affair or something. H was in the midst of being diagnosed finally with a mood disorder at the time and I didnt feel that it was the proper time to disclose, plus it was her job to do so if and when she felt right about it.
Now we have had our 1st aniversry as a triad and for the most part everything is good, we have made it through many bumps and bruises, but H & I 's son is graduating from High school on Monday. We live in a very small judgmental town in the deep south. My father in an attempt to help H and parents heal some old wounds invited them to come stay with he and my stepmother on Monday night so they could go to graduation. My mother will be here as well. Stress will be running high for H that day to say the least.
Now to our problem, H and I want to not alienate K because she is part of our family or at least the one we interact with daily. Our kids expect us all to be together most of the time, because they have lived with this for a year, infact our younger two and K's two are bff's and cant wait to play with them on every other monday when they come to K's house. K practically lives with us the other week and we are in the midst of planning a summer vacation all together like we did last year.
So how do we handle graduation. First we realize its fr our son and to avoid drama, right now she is not invited to the party at my dads house that night, I have a problem with that since I feel like I have moved to the next phase of having K around so they can get used to it. H is under such stress that she cant even think aout it. We havn't discussed it with K.
H is stressed out to the next level because of many things like the fact its dance recital weekend for our two girls as well as graduation of her little 17 year old boy, all 6'5 of him.
K feels left out sometimes and I hate thinking of her feeling that way. I want her involved and to feel like she is part of our family, because she is. BTW our 17 year old knows about K, and that she is more than just a close friend which is the way our 11 and under 4 girls think of us.
Add on top of that the fact that we live in a very small town where people are very judgmental and prone to gossip. When there are festivals and group events we all three go to so there you have it. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Last edited by Razorbacktat; 05-14-2013 at 04:31 PM.