Thread: Matt's Thoughts
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Old 05-14-2013, 01:40 PM
Matt Matt is offline
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 89

I'm not miserable or unhappy. I'm ace. I take the good and the bad in stride. I'm happy with or without my wife. This chapter in my life is just like the one where I had a five year plan to rid her of her spoiled nature. I broke her of that, and I'm going to aid in the breaking of these habits. Getting called out every time should be a reminder that I'm not standing for her antics. My wife tap dances on my last nerve and seems to get off on testing me. She's met her match in me.

We argued last night. She thinks nothing is a big deal, and just as I had suspected, she contemplated doing it. I know my wife, and I know how she operates. Sweeping things under the rug is her forte. My worries weren't in vain because she admitted to everything. I respect her honesty. For being honest, she earned a little more of my trust back. Tell me the truth, and I'll respect you and trust will be given.

I don't have a problem with Snowflake, but I'm watching her. Last week, I asked them to give me some time to think over a few things before making decisions in the moment. After much consideration and a week to think, I don't feel comfortable with her ex being a third parent. Before I was thinking with a heart full of anger and hatred. I have calmed all the way down, and I level-headed again. I absolutely do have a problem with my kid calling her mummy. I have strong opinions on that.

I know we've made amends, and we're trying to reconcile on a friendship level. Trust and forgiveness aren't where they need to be at this point. I voiced that last night, which jump started another argument. I don't trust her ex completely. We're not that cool or even friends, yet. I'm cordial and respectful, but that's where I draw the line. I'm not ready to face her every day. We talked like adults, but that was step one. There's a lot of pain on both sides that needs to be healed. Rushing into anything would be a foolish choice, and I don't believe in overnight rehabilitation.

She might be sorry. I'm not offering up instant forgiveness because it's expected. I'm not hurting or upset because I've moved past it, but that doesn't mean all is forgiven and done with. Forgiveness is going to have to be earned. Just as trust is. I don't feel at ease with my kids being around her until she proves she's trustworthy to me again. She hasn't been alone with them, yet, and I've been controlling just how much time she spends with them.

For the record, I have every intention of controlling just how involved she is. All decisions will be made by us. We'll take her opinions into consideration just like those from family, close mates, colleagues, etc., but the final decisions regarding our kids will be made by Ry and myself. My Mrs. wants to give her free reign and make her part of everything. Didn't she learn that that wasn't a good idea the first time around? I don't want to make that mistake again. The Mrs. and I can't agree on this, and it causes hell in our house. She's still blinded by love and wanting her to be this equal co-parent, and I'm saying no. Don't ask me how I feel and still continue to go against it. She's still doing that even today. One of her worst old habits is opposition. When I oppose what she wants or if my idea doesn't fit into her frame, I know to expect an argument. That's what I meant by old habits are still around and kicking.

Out of all of our issues, nothing turns the heat up like this disagreement over how much say her ex should have. We have knockdown, drag out arguments over her ex being considered a "parent." There's no compromising with my wife. I offered to let her continue to be in their lives but eradicate the title of mummy and let her love them as friend of the family or aunt. Something along those lines. I don't get why she has to be in the motherly role and nothing else. With my wife and her ex, it's all or nothing as far as her ex being a parent. Her ex wants the same thing, so it ends up with them against me. If they keep pushing me and fighting me, it'll be nothing. I'm tired of fighting over this issue. I can't be the only one making concessions and compromising. Been there. Done that. We're not doing that again.

It's not registering with my wife that we both have the right to say who we do and don't want to help raise our kids. We're their parents, and if we can't make decisions with their best interests at heart, there's a problem. I'm not seeing where the third parental view is needed. I don't care about her loving my kids or wanting to be there for them. Cool, but you don't have to step into the role of a mother to accomplish that.

I don't know if it doesn't matter to my wife, or if she just doesn't care what I want. It's no secret what they want. I've communicated what I will and won't stand for. I've offered compromises that would achieve the ultimate goal: keeping her ex in the kids lives. I've communicated how I feel and what I need in order to let her continue to be in their lives. I'm not being unreasonable. I was backed and forced into shared parenting once, and we see how the outcome ended. I'm not comfortable with the idea of a third parent, but she wants to keep pushing me past my boundary. Respect how I feel and compromise. We've done it her way for five years, and it bombed. Am I being unfair in wanting to try it another way?
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