How long do I wait?
I've been struggling with something for a while now. I'm happy my partner can find partners, be they short or long term, to love and feel close to, but am I ever going to get that with someone? It's only been six years since we opened ourselves up to poly relationships, and I've still never had a meaningful, or even meaningless (if there is such a thing) relationships outside of my primary. I'm a patient man, but there's only so far I can go before I start to think that something fundamentally unfair is going on. Not that it's my wife's fault, but all the same, how is it fair? I don't lack for attention or love, but all the same I feel like there is a part of me that withers as time goes on. I don't know, but I'm ready to give the whole thing up and just resign myself to never getting to experience something I've wanted to years. Should I just get over it and focus on my career and my goals of saving up for a house and let that side of me fade? I can't help but feel it will hurt terribly and I will regret it but I don't know how much longer I can handle expressing how I feel to someone I like and seeing the disdain or lack of acceptance in their eyes, losing a friend, losing another chance.