Thank you all for responding.
I am feeling a little better, and making an effort to communicate in spite of the emotional storm. I don't want my marriage to be over, I just want to know my wife is as committed as I am to making it work.
In the meantime, she has finally read what I have posted and what others wrote in reply here over the last month (after I was encouraging her to do so for weeks), which I think is helping her to come off the NRE cloud a little and understand how things were experienced on my end.
Hope it all works out.
30, lesbian, my wife- R, together 8 years, wife's "something"- C, cheating on her wife with R + others