Thread: BDsm
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Old 05-14-2013, 05:49 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
I consider that a "play" contract because it isn't legally binding. If one person doesn't do what the contract says, do you take them to court to have it enforced?

Then in that case, the "contract" DOES function as a "prop", because if a person is doing something by choice because it is right for them, a contract is unnecessary. It was unclear whether that was part of your process of reasoning.
Let's consider a commitment ceremony that two people who either can't, or don't want to, access traditional marriage have together. Is that a "play" ceremony because it's not legally binding, are their vows a "prop" because they're doing what's right for them by choice? I don't see how something being a choice you make because it's right for you means that you're "playing".

Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
I like being a spouse "all the time". Sometimes I get annoyed with my spouse, but i can honestly say that i don't have moments where i wish I wasn't married. Please don't say things like that because when I respond to them I feel as ridiculous as that sounds.
I absolutely know people who are glad they're married and yet have moments when they've wished they weren't. It doesn't sound ridiculous at all to me.

Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
I'm not upset; you and pollyanna did not seem "upset". I am involved in a conversation where I am pointing out things I disagree with and why I disagree. I said there was "so much uptightness" about BDSM in general. That's not the same thing as saying you and pollyanna are "upset", and it doesn't mean I'm "upset", "more upset", etc.
Fair enough. Caps in text come off like shouting to me, and you were using a lot of caps.

Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
We all have the right to a "strong opinion". We do NOT have the right to dictate that our "strong opinion" applies to all people who do certain things in their relationships.
Again, I seriously have never said, and would never say, that anything applied to all people of any type. I'm not sure why you're pulling that back out.

Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
You see, you are basically saying the same thing, that no one else has the right to speak for you, but out of the other side of your mouth you're saying that because you "live the lifestyle" and I "just play", that you have some authority to declare what it all means.
I never used the phrase "live the lifestyle", I get what people mean by it but I don't like the terminology. I said we built our lives and loves around it, because we have. And, yeah, I do think that people who have had first-hand experience of something are likely to have more valid opinions than those who haven't. I don't, however, think that I have some authority to declare what it all means (where are you getting this? again and again you keep assigning these absolutist opinions to me that I don't have, and don't think I've mistakenly expressed), nor do I think that you don't the right to an opinion.

I actually went back and inserted the word "yet" here --
"Why do you have the right to a strong opinion, when this isn't actually something that you enjoy as more than play, and yet we're being uptight for having differing opinions, when we've built our lives and our loves around these concepts?"
-- to make it clearer that I wasn't trying to say that you didn't have a right to an opinion, but rather that I thought it was hypocritical to express a strong opinion and then imply that other people were being uptight for having their own strong opinions, especially on a topic that affects their day to day lives in a way which it doesn't affect yours, which is what it seemed to me you were doing.

Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
Come on Annabel. You're not stupid. You knew that's what I meant. You just wanted to bust my chops because it's, like, a thing.
No, actually, I didn't. What you said came off to me as pretty offensive on the first read. When you're abrasive about things that are close to people's hearts, it's hard not to take it personally. This is the same complaint that lots of other people have had about your posting style, it makes it hard to parse out the content. It just generally hasn't been directed at me, so I haven't had to respond to it before, but I guess when it comes to some things I don't have much of a thicker skin than anyone else.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 05-14-2013 at 05:53 AM.
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