Something you said earlier reminded me of this poem by Richard Brautigan. I empathize with what you are going through, and having a bit of a stressful time myself, so I've been keeping this in mind.
Karma Repair Kit: Items 1-4
1. Get enough food to eat, and eat it.
2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet, and sleep there.
3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise until you arrive at the silence of yourself, and listen to it.
I hope you keep managing to take care of yourself, that's the important priority.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.