I have my work cut out for me with that wife of mine. She's up to some of her old ways. That's not even my lack of trust speaking. That's seeing the signs and not being oblivious to the obvious.
Case and point. I brought this up to her. Tell me why she has not only known about it but at one point discussed it with her ex? Are you shitting me? I'm beginning to wonder if she really did view me as a sperm donor to give her and her lesbian lover the kids they always wanted? That's how I felt. That's how valued I felt when it came to my opinion regarding my kids. Her excuse was that I'd probably have shut it down. I've said that time and time again. No amount of time will change my view. I'm not going for her having legal rights. Ask me in two years, five years, ten years...and the answer will continue to be a resounding hell no.
It was bad enough with a verbal agreement between them. It's five years later, and severing the relationship between my kid and her ex would probably be a catastrophic mess. I made peace with her solely because of my kid. No other reason. I don't feel like I have much control over that. Could I hurt my kid and risk her hating me for taking someone important away from her? I could, and I've thought about it something serious. So yeah. Ry knows I'd never agree to an arrangement like that, so I do have reason to believe that she'd go behind my back and try it. Sad to say, but I don't put it past her. She's always wanted her ex to be an equal, and a law that would grant that? Man, that's too easy. My opinions and voice have been heard by both. If they choose to go against me, I can't say what I will or won't do. Ry knows divorce is still on the table and real possibility. She knows what's on the line, so I hope she isn't crazy enough to try anything shady.
I'm very patient and giving her the benefit of the doubt. She's changed some, but those old habits are still hanging on. 13 years is a long time, so I didn't expect changes overnight. It's going to take awhile to break them, and I call her out when I see her falling into them.
Our new therapist is going to get an earful when we settle on one. A month of going it alone with no help and more secrets are coming out by the day. This is why trust isn't being built very fast. For every one good deed to boost trust, she'll reveal or do five things that prove why she doesn't deserve my trust.
I actually didn't care about the living arrangements. They've been changed again as of this afternoon. Her ex is going to be living elsewhere. I don't have any opinion on that one way or another. Not a big deal to me. We can cut her a cheque or send a transfer for the amount she put up towards the renovations and live separately. Works for me. My life will still go on.
Snowflake and I are still going to therapy. Our friendship isn't going to heal itself. I can be cordial towards her out of respect now, but there's a lot of work to be done. I'm still not sure of what her role is in my kids lives. Yeah, she's there to love them, but that doesn't mean much to me. I'm not calling her a parent at this point. She's who and what she is...whatever that may be. The Mrs. and I are still going to marriage counselling. We took a break, but we're going back next month. There's no way we can fix all of this without the guidance of a pro.
We have many problems. It's not hopeless. Most of our problems are exacerbated by the lack of trust and old habits. I'm a firm believer in full disclosure. I tell my wife everything these days. She tells me about 60%, but the 40% left is usually a doozy and is revealed over time or by playing 20 questions. Case and point. She told me that Snowflake had been distant, but left out the part where calls had been ignored and she made no attempts to contact our kids. To me that's important. All I wanted to know was if there was anything I needed to know that might make me reconsider letting her be in our kids lives. I expected the full truth, but she omitted half the story and told me just enough to get me to take the bait.
She's not home yet, but this will be discussed when she walks in. We talked over the phone, and I said the same things. I've already dropped a line to her ex and let her know that she needs to come over, so this can be discussed. We're not waiting and putting it off. This was just brought up this afternoon, and we're taking care of it tonight. I'd rather be proactive than sit around and wait for something to happen.
Last edited by Matt; 05-13-2013 at 07:03 PM.