My weekend with C was a lot of things.. fun, difficult, light, heavy. We had some great moments and I had some sadness. I'm getting very tired of the continuous processing - it seems like such a long time ago when we just enjoyed each other, without difficult conversations about jealousy, time management, insecurities, ED, sex, lack of sex, sex with others, etc.
We have a date to see each other for a long weekend a month from now. Usually we see each other every 2 weeks or 10 days, so this will be a long stretch. But I think it will be good.
He is pretty much in turmoil over his relationship with Molly. He keeps going back and forth. The main issue is that she likes him more than he likes her, and that he feel trapped and suffocated by her wish to be mono. Still he enjoys her company and doesn't want to end it. I have no opinion on wether or not he ends it, but I do wish he would be honest with himself and her and make a decision and stick to it. I know thoughts and feelings can change but this back and forth is becoming... I don't know how else to say it: unattractive.
I have a tentative date with MrB next week, I'm really hoping I can get the house to myself for a night and have him over. He hasn't been to my house since last summer.
Ren is in an intense correspondence with a new woman he's met on a poly-dating site. They will probably meet soon. I really like the things he's been telling me about her, and I really like that he's opening up to another possible relationship besides Lou. And it does add a little to my excitement that she lives alone.. a very selfish motive I know, but it would make my life so much easier on so many levels if Ren had a GF he could go visit!
I do feel much less anxious and panicky. I finished a work project I've been working on for a very long time, it's something I did on spec so now I have to wait and see what will come of it. I't poly-related, I can't really tell more about it for fear of jinxing it, but will talk about it when I have news
Another thing I've been thinking about
I have a blog in my own language, which has for a long time (8 years or so) dealt exclusively with a very specific subject (let's say gardening, it isn't, but I don't want to mention the real thing because it's a small world and in the realm of this particular subject, i'm a very very minor celebrity).
Recently I started writing posts that are less about gardening and more about my personal life... not explicitly about poly, but for people who know me and read between the lines it's all pretty obvious. The blog is not anonymous and I'm kind of conflicted about how much I want to reveal there. I'm a writer.. I want to be honest.. but it's not just about me, other people might not want to be as out as I am.
So I think I'll continue being a little cryptic... and have my dad, who reads the blog, ask me puzzled questions what the hell I'm talking about