I couldn't agree more with you! Being rather new to this, insecurity and jealousy are still areas we are working on. I view my husband is my primary, he is the one that I have made a commitment to. I have felt that, in time, I will feel the same level of commitment to my boyfriend. We have been together for about 6 months and are still growing and learning about each other, we are certainly dedicated to our relationship now and talk alot about 'right now'. It is awkward to discuss our future sometimes, he can never be my 'husband' in the same way and he is ok with that.
I believe that labels of 'primary' and 'secondary' can be helpful in addressing initial insecurities, but in my case at least, over time they will fade from our vocabulary. Those terms imply an almost 'mathmatical' way of looking at a relationship, that seems rather cold and clinical. Primary implies 'majority' and I don't believe that's indicitive of the love and respect needed for any relationship.