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Old 05-13-2013, 05:43 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 431
Default It is obvious your advice comes from wanting to help

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Not trying to accuse or bash or attack or even actually change your mind about what you want, per se. But you said you were doing research (right on!), so, in case you haven't read it yet: http://davidlnoble.com/so-somebody-c...nicorn-hunter/ (helpful both for understanding why people are so accusatory, and for recognizing common pitfalls, just really well written and balanced).

It makes a big difference when the person giving advice isn't hoping that the relationship blows up in their face. I have never read a post from you that isn't trying to help people along. There is nothing wrong with pointing out the pitfalls that people may not be aware of, especially when not being aware of it could be the point of contention that destroys the triad.

It's not just about couples looking for a third who with be in a relationship with both people, there are numerous poly pitfalls for any and all configurations of non-monogamy. Helping people recognize what they may not be aware of is always helpful. The advice you give never has a tone of attempting to punish people, it is hard enough for people to find balance in relationships that include more than two, nobody needs to feel ridiculed for making mistakes that they were not aware of. Any poly site is lucky to have you contributing ABMore
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