Originally Posted by franchescasc
As someone in a developing triad, I have poured over the recommended links and posts about unicorn hunters. Of course our situation is different because my gf and I started up as a totally separate relationship in a V formation. Just recently have my husnand gf started having feelings for eachother. But many of the warning signs scared me at first. A couple with little poly experience (we have none) was one red flag I consistently hear. But I'm committed to letting each relationship develop as they will without putting definitions on what they have to look like. (Someone remind me of this if I have a freak out). This means MD and FJ are planning to have solo dates, and eventually solo sex if they want. Which they do. If MD and I don't work out, I don't know how I could handle her and FJ still dating, but I will have to handle that as things come up if ever. Pouring through this forum and reading the advice and links has been crucial to helping me sort through how to handle this stuff.
it usually has a lot more to do with the people not being good at relationships in general. It has a lot more to do with being indifferent to how their behavior effects others or when one of the three pretends to care, but their behavior is passive aggressive and they intentional antagonize the other.
There isn't anything to be afraid of so long as each of you can be honest and genuinely care about the well being of everyone involved in your relationship. It only takes one person to sabotage and destroy any polyship framework. There are so many seemingly insignificant subtle ways that someone with selfish intentions can ruin even the strongest relationships. Sometimes it does occur and the person responsible truly isn't aware of their behavior, which is why communication that's open and honest is so important.
There are also situations where the obliviousness is due to the person simply not caring how others feel, not much a person can do to remedy that, but few if any triads implode or explode because all parties involved were too concerned about each other's well being and happiness. It's disrespect, not keeping agreements, or having trouble with honesty that causes wrecked relationships. And then there is always the passive aggressive one bad apple that can ruin the best of any polyships, but when it's recognized the nuclear meltdown crisis can be averted.
Knowing the people you share your life with is crucial.