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Old 05-12-2013, 09:49 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,725

Originally Posted by leelee22 View Post
Dagferi, yes, I want to be one arm of a v. Maybe that does make me "not really poly", but I don't think so. It's just practical for me, because i have limited time (single mom with busy job). I don't think I could do more than one partner justice and give them proper attention, and I don't really crave more than one partner.

The other reason I want to be part of a v is that I was once married to a husband who had repeated affairs. Neighbours, friends etc were constantly "revealing" them to me (often, taking wicked pleasure in my reaction). It was a shitty situation. I don't want to be cheated on and lied to anymore. I figure that if I seek out poly partners, then it's less likely that I'll wind up with a cheating liar..
Yet you get upset if you would come second to someone else or the relationship was purely sexual. I do not understand why you would want to put yourself in a situation where you will run across the whole primary/secondary mess. Why not just date an equally busy man.There are plenty of them. I know at least 5 or 6 of Murf's friends who fall under that category.

We have plenty of liars and cheaters amongst the umbrella of poly too. Being poly isn't going to save you from them. Most men are not like your ex husband. Do not judge them all with one brush.

The general public will view you as a disgusting cheater. You will be labeled the other woman unless you are kept as a big dark secret. Unless you are looking for someone with some distance from your home. Most married men even with their wife's full permission are may not to be able to date you locally. They could lose quite a bit if they do. If they have to be on the down low there is no sharing your joys via facebook just in case someone who would have issues would see it. I could go on and on.

The things I have lost since being poly..
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Job

I found out quickly who truly cared for me. It is not an easy road to travel.

The only thing that makes my situation easier than most is my husband is from Chicago and has no ties to this area. And his social network here is the BDSM community and they are open minded folks. Murf grew up here. So we are free to socialize with his friends openly. But we are in the closet to 98% of his family. They would not understand.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.

Last edited by Dagferi; 05-12-2013 at 09:54 PM.
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