Originally Posted by El186
To Pollyanna and Vixtoria...
I don't need to know that what I am talking about is not a poly attitude....or such...i KNOW that. What I need to know is...do you know of anyone or you yourself that has been in a similar situation and has made it work? And if so, how? I don't know HOW to change these attitudes and feelings that I am having. Am I wasting my time here? I am not sure I will ever be able to do it.
There's lots that I could say about how you start to work on those inner feelings, because it's not something HE needs to fix but you. YOU need to think about why you feel certain ways and get to the root of it. Mono or poly there is something wrong with crying for days because your partner can't sleep with you in your bed every single night.
However, I will answer the questions above. On another list I am on, yes, it has happened. A woman was the 'third'. She came to a man who was married, told her he loved her and that his marriage was not as full of the 'love' that the two shared. That when it came to it, he would choose her, that he loved her and could not lose her. He did leave his wife. He did marry her.
Not six months later she was back on the list all upset because he found another woman to date. He told this new woman that he loved her. That his marriage didn't have the same kind of 'love'. She had now been raising his kids with his wife that he left and their new child together. She was upset, he was choosing the new woman over her. It wasn't fair, she now wanted him to be mono with just her. That did not work. As far as I know, the last we heard from her, she left. Leaving behind the children she had been raising, taking her child with her, and now believing poly to be evil. And/or him to have never been poly at all.