To Pollyanna and Vixtoria...
Yes...I KNOW that it is not a poly viewpoint. I understand that. I KNOW that what I am asking for was NOT what we agreed to. I do not know WHAT has happened that has caused me to react this way, but whatever it is, it seems to be getting worse. I realize that perhaps this is NOT the lifestyle for me. i THOUGHT that I could do it....but as time has gone on, it seems to be getting harder...NOT easier.
I don't need to know that what I am talking about is not a poly attitude....or such...i KNOW that. What I need to know is...do you know of anyone or you yourself that has been in a similar situation and has made it work? And if so, how? I don't know HOW to change these attitudes and feelings that I am having. Am I wasting my time here? I am not sure I will ever be able to do it.
He has always told me that he loved me and would never lose me. That IF it ever came down to it, that he would choose to be monogamous with me rather than lose me, but when I finally said "I cannot do this anymore"...then he said the decision was mine. And only after I started to make arrangements to leave, did he "ask me to marry him". I am not sure that I am made of the stuff I need to be made of to continue in a poly relationship. Is there something I can read....something that someone else has done or used to get them through a hard time?
Please understand...I am not criticizing the lifestyle...I just don't know how to live it. I NEED some space and some privacy.