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Old 05-12-2013, 09:13 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Originally Posted by leelee22 View Post
They both seem perfectly nice, he is attractive, etc. But when discussing how they “do this” i.e. the open relationship, it was the same old story as with my former lover: secondary partners are really just sex partners, and anything “romantic” (which would include the man and the secondary going out for drinks or dinner and not having sex) is not allowed. There is a new twist with this couple: while the woman is “not really bisexual” (same as me, I’d describe myself as not REALLY bisexual), the couple try to mostly “hang out all together” with secondary partners, and limit the time either one of them spends alone with any secondary partner. The purpose of this seems to be to preclude a “romance” between them and their secondaries, rather than to create an actual triad with a relationship between the two (straight) women.
EWEWEWEWEWEWEWWwww. Ugh. I hope you don't go for this. What a gross, objectifying, unsatisfying, less-than position to allow yourself to be put into. Don't do it. You deserve better.

Originally Posted by leelee22 View Post
What I WOULD like is to have a self-contained, emotionally UNRESTRICTED relationship with a male hinge (I don’t care if his paramour is a man or a woman). Fully disclosed to his other partner, conducted in good faith, with the goal of not detracting in any way from their relationship.

Is this something that doesn’t exist, or is not possible? This man (the woman’s partner who I talked to on the phone) seemed to think that it’s a totally unreasonable expectation. Is he right?
Yes, this exists and is totally possible. My gf's husband has such a relationship with his gf (see sig line for names). Gia and Helen are friends, Eric and Helen have dates just the two of them, he's not sure if he's falling in love with her or not but it's ok if he does. This man, in calling such a scenario unreasonable, is either ignorant of how a lot of poly people conduct their relationships, or is purposefully being manipulative by trying to convince you that you can't have what you want. You can.

Keep looking, stick to your standards, you'll be glad you did once the right situation comes along.

Good luck!!
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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