Hi all, and thanks... I glad to hear I'm not being unreasonable, because what i'm asking for doesn't FEEL unreasonable to me.
Dagferi, yes, I want to be one arm of a v. Maybe that does make me "not really poly", but I don't think so. It's just practical for me, because i have limited time (single mom with busy job). I don't think I could do more than one partner justice and give them proper attention, and I don't really crave more than one partner.
The other reason I want to be part of a v is that I was once married to a husband who had repeated affairs. Neighbours, friends etc were constantly "revealing" them to me (often, taking wicked pleasure in my reaction). It was a shitty situation. I don't want to be cheated on and lied to anymore. I figure that if I seek out poly partners, then it's less likely that I'll wind up with a cheating liar.
and, BoringGuy, well... don't know what to say to all that stuff except, of course i masturbate.
If that was all I needed, then life would be pretty easy. But I didn't seek out this couple; she contacted ME. Not sure how I'm supposed to know what a couple wants unless I ask them... and that's all I did -- I asked him.
anyway, glad to hear I'm not looking for something that doesn't exist. Hopefully I'll get better at spotting the assholes at an earlier and earlier stage.