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Old 05-12-2013, 06:56 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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Yes, Maca went off his ADD meds several times and that makes for a nightmare in the trust department. I know it sounds weird, but it's very true.

I think there is definitely a HUGE component in the fact that the person who was hurt MUST be willing to forgive in order for trust to be regained AND they can't be in retaliation or revenge mode either. For a long time, Maca was in retaliation "tit for tat" mode. He would intentionally do and say things intended to "repay" me for hurting him.
There is no healing for the relationship while that is going on. It really was a royal clusterfuck to say the least!

It was critical that I be true about making amends.
But there also came a point where I had to be willing to stand up and say

"ok, time's up, I'm not going to stop being the honest, open, transparent person I have become-but I am done being the doorpost you kick every time you feel anxsty or angry or hurt or whatever."

That forced him to stop and consider, he'd tried to get revenge, he'd vented all he could about the hurt, he'd annihilated my name in our social circles by telling his side of the story (I kept my mouth shut). Now, did he REALLY want to let bygones be bygones and try to build a functional future together; or move on apart.
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