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Old 05-12-2013, 06:25 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Mono: you loved that you were his "one and only." But you eventually rebelled against his boundary of you only being in an intimate relationship with him, your husband PN, and Derby. Despite his warnings you'd become less important to him if you got more lovers, you ignored that warning and went ahead with Ken and Brad. Then he did become distant, and got a gf and pulled away from you, just as he'd guaranteed he would. You could have trusted his initial words. He told you what would happen and you seemingly ignored it. "Mono draw away from me? That could never happen!" But it has. Maybe you'll trust him more if you remember his clear warning. He was being honest back then, and now his actions match his words.
At the point I met Ken and Brad I wasn't rebelling against his boundary. He had already fallen for his friend and had not told me. He encouraged me to go out and find someone to take my mind off of the hurt and pain I felt over my break up with Leo. I took him at his word at that point and felt he was understanding, caring and accepting. It turns out he was going through a huge movement of change and wasn't telling me until months later.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
PN: Your husband, with whom the sex had become lukewarm at best-- "married sex," you called it, as if married sex is never hot and overwhelming. Now he seems to be hot for someone else. Wants to "go mono" with her? Does that mean move out? Will there be some sort of alteration in your already basically sexless marriage?
I have no idea at this point. We all want to stay in the house. Raise LB and carry on. We all work really well together. The two men fill very different roles for me and it works. So far. There is no need to make huge changes to something that is working at this point.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Derby: your gf.... You never say much about her other than doing cultural things together, I don't even know if you two have sex. I've read you to say there is some kissing. Will you continue as is, without the kissing, now that you've broken up?
I don't know what will happen. I don't generally talk about my sex life on line. A lot of people I know read here and I generally don't advertise what it is I do behind closed doors. I will say that I love Derby and the times we have spent together have been loving, fun and bonding.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Brad: I never understood this relationship. It seems OK, but must not mean much to you. I mean, all your real pain seems centered around Mono getting a gf. You just dumped Brad as a bf quite suddenly with not much angst, it seems. You didn't report on his feelings of distress at being dumped.
I don't know much about how he feels. Both him and Derby have expressed that they are sad, didn't sleep much, had a hard time eating, were confused and I'm sure a whole lot more. I ask them how they are doing from time to time, but its possible they don't want to share that with me. My lack of talking about how I feel about it is not due to my lack of caring or concern or feelings of sadness and grief.

I have talked here about my biggest concerns and have compartmentalized everything in order to look at one thing at a time. Its only been a week. There is still a lot of overwhelming feelings and distress for me. I can't look at it all at once and it will take some time for me to express how I feel about every aspect of my life.

All my relationships mean a lot to me. Just because I don't talk about one specific one often doesn't mean I am not loving them or connected to them. Actually its more the opposite, I am likely humming along quite nicely and have nothing to say as a result. This upheaval and inability to handle everything in my life does not mean I am not still loving those in my life. It's more about me and not loving and taking and caring of me that is the issue.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Does Mono still want to be your bf in any way, shape or form? Do you want him at all now that he has a gf? Do you regret taking up with Ken and Brad in the first place, which set this chain of events in action?
He still wants me to be his primary relationship. I don't know if I want him as a boyfriend, but I am willing to see how things work out with him having another woman in his life before deciding. I don't regret anything and I don't think I set a chain of actions. I think the moment I met Mono change occurred for him. I was something completely different than he had ever known and it changed him over time.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
And don't answer if you don't want to, but, do you and Mono have sex anymore? You say your connection is lost. Sometimes couples that are fighting still have hot sex (my ex h and I did), but sometimes it's the last thing one wants. So, are you horny, my dear? Would sex relieve stress or is it something you can't even contemplate?

Mono's nervous now being your only lover? Is he still your lover? Does he feel badly you don't trust him or seem to want him much now that you're not the center of his universe?
Mono and I haven't changed much over the years as far as sex is concerned. ha!

He feels badly I don't trust that he is doing what he says he is doing and that I am paranoid about every message he gets on his phone. Its completely consumed me these days and I am working on ways to walk through that and find some peace with it. I even get paranoid and anxious when other people are on their phone now. Its been six months of that and I would like to get past that now.
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