No leelee it is not normal.
I am the hinge between my husband Butch and my boyfriend Murf.
Murf is not a human dildo for me only brought out for my sexual gratification. I love that man as much as Butch. We go do things together like a normal couple.
Murf and Butch have really no contact unless Murf is spending the night here. They make small talk and that is about it.
Neither comes second to the other.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.