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Old 05-12-2013, 02:38 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 398

So an over-all update.

Lamian, Primal, and Darkeyes dynamic is slowly getting things worked out. Lamian has made it clear to both Primal and Darkeyes that she is willing and wanting to have the changes that Primal requested go forward. Right now the biggest hold up is that Darkeyes needs to stop seeing Primal as a negative force that shouldn't be around him (Darkeyes and Lamian got together when Primal and her were having problems and Darkeyes still sees Primal as the "bad guy").

Primal informed me of a conversation he had with Lamian about his and my relationship having a small change. We've started incorporating d/s into things (not to a dom/sub level, more of a top/bottom level). During that conversation she mentioned the fact she is still working through how to interact in regards to me after both of us being sick and getting better and the fact that Primal and my relationship (which was only planned to be fun and short term) did develop into something serious and long-term.

Primal and I also talked about how to help Woodsmith with the issues I mentioned having with him. Just how to interact with me in a way that satisfies my need for touch and affection (Primal and I are both empathic and tactile so there's a lot of cuddling/affection there that I need in my relationships. Woodsmith isn't because he sometimes delves into his own little world and can't really get pulled back out well.)

On a serious note (and not so poly but one that if someone has advice PLEASE PM me with it). Yesterday I went to the wedding of one of our friends. The founder of my burlesque troupe and her now husband (who DM's the D&D game Primal, Woodsmith, and I play). While there what I figure is my social anxiety hit me to a level that I realized a few things. 1) I'm not really a social chameleon but instead I can survive in social environments when I'm either connected to someone in my family, dancing, spinning, or taking photos. 2) If those aren't able I close off (either mentally by sitting by myself in the crowd or physically by finding somewhere to hide). 3) If things get too overstimulating I crave something sharp to try and pull myself out of my head. Before getting in the hospital the doctor I was seeing said all my anxiety stemmed from depression and I did not need any anti-anxieties for a PRN need. However, I've realized this is not the case and for situations where I may fall to step 3 having something like Xanax on hand would be good. In a months time I'm going to have two situations where I can fall there (a wrap party for cast/merchants at Ren Faire and my own wedding) and I have no idea how I'm going to make it through.

I have plans in mind. One I know shouldn't be hard, having my family and a couple of people aware so if I need to grab and go I can. The other isn't as easy because I've never been officially diagnosed with social anxiety so I don't know how easy getting a prescription for something as addictive as Xanax would be or how to get a hold of it otherwise.
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
N8: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: N8 girlfriend
Ruby: Part of the Leather Family
Logan: Leather Sir in the Family
Arc: Logan's boy
Holly: Leather family
K: Holly's sub
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