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Old 05-12-2013, 02:22 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

No, it isn't supposed to or usually meant to work that way! There are all kinds of predators and selfish people out there, and especially sex-focused people who claim they are poly when they really only want to get their rocks off. That's why it's so important to establish your boundaries and know what you will and will not accept. Then next time someone like that approaches you, you will confidently tell them to fuck off (or, if you say things more nicely than I do, "please look elsewhere") because you are secure in knowing that they don't or won't meet your standards.

What they proposed to you just isn't polyamory. When all a couple wants is a living breathing sex toy, it's an open relationship or swinging - NOT poly, which is about developing multiple meaningful and loving relationships. Friends with benefits is okay, too, considering that friendship is a loving relationship, IF the people do cultivate that side and not say FWB when they really mean fuck buddies.

What you want is what most solo poly people want, and it is definitely NOT unreasonable nor impossible. There are plenty of truly poly people out there who can meet that for you - it just takes sifting out the idiots who only want sex and hear about poly in the media, see how much attention is given to the sexual aspect of poly relationships, and so they incorrectly think that no-strings fucking around is what it's all about. May take a while to find the right partner(s) but you stick to it and you will get there! Never compromise your integrity. You don't want to find yourself used as a toy!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 05-12-2013 at 02:27 PM.
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