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Old 05-12-2013, 10:38 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,854

Thank you for your replies LR and WH!

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
2.)I committed to do whatever was (reasonably) necessary to correct my mistake. (For instance: No contact with Dude? Check. Endless talking and communication? Sure. Giving MrS access to my phone and email if requested? Okay. Marriage counseling if necessary? No problem.)
I realized upon re-reading that I should probably point out that this is a short list of the TYPE of thing I was willing to do to repair the trust that I had broken. The only thing that MrS actually requested was the "no contact" - and he did ask for my phone to delete Dude's contact info. He never actually requested to check my messages/email/etc. and we didn't end up in marriage counseling because the "communication" part turned out to be sufficient.

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I wasn't the first woman to betray him, in fact, every woman in his life has ... So trust was already an issue for him.
This was a big part of it for MrS as well...his first two girlfriends (I was his third "serious" girlfriend) had cheated on him. (The other big part was that he had gone off his anti-depressants and this hit him at a bad time - getting back on his meds also played a role but didn't change anything from my side.)

In the end, though, you can't MAKE someone trust you - I think you can only try to create an environment that fosters the possibility and then BE a trust-worthy person ... every day.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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