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Old 05-11-2013, 10:30 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,788

Originally Posted by sortafairytale View Post
If she wants Nails well I can't do anything about that and Nails has already made it very very clear he wants no side relationship with her on his own if she and I are not in a relationship. He isn't looking for a girlfriend for himself, he only wants a girlfriend for us. Help…please.
I was going to respond to this bit one way (i.e. the pitfalls of expecting all relationships to proceed at the same pace, etc. etc.) and then I read on...

Originally Posted by sortafairytale View Post
As for the package deal. That was just how it went. It caught all three of us by surprise and we went with it. ... Nails and I talked and right now he's pretty certain that if this happens again the woman will have to either want just me or both of us. He doesn't want another woman and he doesn't think he's poly to the degree of running two or more relationships. Friendships with the possibility of sex now and then is more of what he wants. It doesn't mean that won't change later, it's just how he's feeling for now and how he was feeling for the last month or so.
So it really does sound as though the two of you are open to a LOT of different possibilities:

Girlfriend just for you.
GF for both of you (?possibly to different degrees? - more into one of you but still interested in the other?)
GF for you who is FWB for him.
FWB for him only.
? FWB for you only ?
? FWB for both of you ?

And that the possibility of:
GF for him only

is pretty much not on the table for him currently.

It looks like this has clarified some things for the two of you and you have the experience of this relationship under your belt now. I'm sorry that your "GF for both of us" turned into more of a cowgirl...not all relationships are meant to be.

Live. Love. Be Happy.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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