After a week of not sleeping or eating (I am here at 4.30 am) I am finding myself no closer to accepting. I have moments but I get set back easily. I'm hoping that eventually I will come here and be able to say that I have but right now I just grieve and continue breathing.
Mono invited Derby and Brad and others over tonight. It was great to see them but painful for all of us I think. There was a silence and vacancy that set a tone for the evening even though there was laughing and joking around. Time. It will take time.
Mono is making slow moves but I can tell is falling deeper into his connection with T. They write each other all day and plan to meet for coffee once a week for awhile. He wants more but is gracious enough to allow some time for me to catch up. My connection with him is lost and with all the changes going on I find it hard to grasp the last little bit.
Its been a week of talking and being silently overwhelmed with Mono. PN walks around silently going about his business also. The only time we manage to be normal is when LB is around.
Order of business:
Work on taking care of me
Get over cheating (stop paranoia, trust)
Find my connection with Mono
Work on friendship bonds with Derby
Work on friendship bonds with Brad
Have fun again
Create happiness, comfort and contentment for myself
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