Originally Posted by WhatHappened
Pardon me for separating the word something into some thing, but can you see how someone might wonder, from your own words, if Hypothetical Woman is really a woman,
, an actual person
to you, or just a living, breathing sex toy. By your words up here, she's not even a 'her' anymore, she's now been reduced to an 'experience.'
You and your girlfriend like to play golf, so you go out and get yourselves some golf clubs and have a great experience together and put them in the closet, where they won't get in your way, when you're done with them. But you'd like them there all the time, whenever you want to go golfing again, so you don't have to keep looking for a new set of clubs every third or fourth time you want to golf.
You want threesomes so you go shopping for a hot bi babe and have a great experience together and stick her in a closet where she won't get in your way, when you're done with her? But you'd like her there all the time, whenever you want a hot threesome again, so you don't have to keep looking for a new hot bi babe every third or fourth time you want a hot threesome.
I got the feeling you intended to somehow clarify your intentions, thus proving BG's sarcasm misplaced, unnecessary, and out of line?
If so, all you did for me was strengthen the call for exactly that sort of sarcastic response. What you're describing does not
sound to me like a genuine relationship. Unless you feel you have genuine relationships with your golf clubs? Maybe you do.
Okay, yes, exactly. What BG was trying to point out. What I obviously too subtly pointed out. It's all about you and your girlfriend.
No concept here of you and Hypothetical Woman having a wonderful shared experience with the current GF. Or HW and GF having an amazing shared experience. No, it's all about you and GF--need I stress that again, you and GF
--having experiences together. As I read your posts, this HW is just a nameless, faceless body who exists to give you and your GF
this amazing experience.
Which I notice his empire of websites is often cited here as good goto place for poly info. The problem is that while there may be some good points gleaned from others who practice polyamory, where he gets his logic from I can't say, but it would be wise to at least read from the places he gets his material from because they might have better reasoning and explanations taking the points and blending creative writing practices to give the backstory , especially if you are trying to get people to adopt a certain style of non-monogamy as poly-policy.
I fully understand how hot bi-babes get hurt attempting to become poly additions to couples. I just don't agree with attacking those or ridiculing they who go looking for the unicorn, especially if it is only because it didn't work for you.
If you really want to adopt that viewpoint, you would do well to sort out the difference between polyamory and non-monogamy and casual sex acts for sport. Yes, the sport sex is not really anything remotely related to polyamory, and frankly when the unicorn hunters are more along the lines of "fundamentalist" polys, once the NRE wears off many of them still have a framework much closer to a triad than they do a V or any sort of style where the "metamours " of aware of each other but have little to no contact.
I am not trying to say don't use the word poly for non-monogamy, but whatever word you use, you might need different ones to describe what some folks once had an idea of when the term "poly" began being slung around. Now this is just my experience, and not the end all be all and I won't even attempt to subtly have that come about after plausibly denying it by using a gang of internet buddies and anonymous sock puppets accounts to slaughter an authors review.
but.... some poly people are sort of insane Utopian types, and the few unicorns hunters that bagged the horned horse that I've witnessed, when the sexual triad didn't work out, there is still the three of them that by appearance you'd think they were all having sex, except for either two women or two men either aren't bi- or they are but just aren't into sexual relationships with every single bi- or gay member of the same sex.
So it ends up without the devastated unicorn, and instead two guys and a girl doing just about everything together except the two guys do not engage in sex, or threesomes or two women and one guy who are a triad in every way except for threesome sex.
I never associated poly people with the type who didn't genuinely like their partner's partners. Many of them are some seriously fun-loving and peculiar people.
Everything being openly discussed, is a new phenomena, so even the vocab needs to be worked out and you should feel free to label any behavior anything you want, you could even call casual-just-met-one-night-stand-sex polyamory, as I would be lying if I said no poly people that I know ever engage in that. But they sure as hell would likely be latex barriers between every skin to skin contact other than holding hands, (seriously, literally, whatever name you want to call "safe sex" people take being "fluid bonded" extremely serious)
but remember, that is not a bad thing,
many many people have days or nights during their life when they want to be treated like a set of golf clubs, in fact, they want to be treated like the club that all players of a foursome play 18 holes with and they want to be the only club.
And there is nothing wrong with that when it is done responsibly, which means that all parties involved are of legal age and fully knowledgeable , desire for it to occur and explicitly consent to while of sound mind, free from lies or manipulation
I do understand what you are saying, because many people jump into non-monogamy with the frame of mind we had as children day-dreaming about what it is like to be an adult. And many many problems arise when we engage in adults activities with a child's framed mind (or even an adult framed mind that fails to realize the level of responsibility that is mandatory when you are choosing to exercise certain freedoms, because when we are not responsible, those freedoms are far more costly than anyone ever imagined)
It really does take crazy, loopy, almost Utopian beliefs as the associated cost of behaving in ways that are well within Our Rights, some people refer to them as God Given, and such rights and freedoms we have been gifted come with considerable amont of responsibility.
The "Monkeysphere" *(google it, not referenced here in this post, but this is the only other site I have witnessed this type of bashing "unicorn hunters" other than any site associated with Franklin's Veaux's sites) attitude is a perfect example of that flawed logic. The Truth is, you cannot go through life only having genuine concern for another one to two hundred people tops. Exercising freedoms in such a way will lead to an extremely pathetic population of humans.
I get the point, and yes it's funny or cute, but that attitude will lead to mankinds destruction the same as it shatters the outlooks of HBB Unicorns.
You have a chance to make history, no, you are all making history, just like everyone who lives does simply by living, but this whole idea that people have the courage to break pointless traditions because they truly are doing no harm (at least in regards to non-monogamy and poly) truly is a unique opportunity. I can't think of any other topic that is so new that it doesn't even have standardized vocabulary, in any language.
YOU HAVE TOTAL FREE REIGN, TRUE FREEDOM in regards to these new fangled relationships
nearly every other ANYTHING and EVERYTHING already had a taxonomic clade or naming scheme all but set in stone, but this is your opportunity, so please be careful what you push for, because sexuality is or should be a sacred topic. When I say sacred I mean NOBODY should have the right to ridicule or shame another for their sexuality so long as it is between mutauly consenting adults, of sound mind who desire it and explicitly consent to it when it is done in private.
Respect is the only thing that can substitute for Love when there is none between people. It is always good to be able to not take yourself so seriously, but there is a world of difference between not taking YOURSELF seriously and using humor or disrespect towards others in regards to a topic that they take very seriously, or as a matter of being sacred.
Any matter that demands respect will always be ruined by those who engage in pissing contests, or are insulting indirectly or by being subtle.
Calling a someone a slut when they do not appreciate it is along the same lines of saying faggot, nigger, etc...
Never forget that we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for all the sacrifice of every facet of equal rights, whether it be Race, Gender, Religion, or Sexual orientation, or practice of Love,
Please be mindful of the level of respect you show others, and think about how responsible we might not be being, because it will cost US dearly if we do not live up to it