Originally Posted by Cleo
If my husband started dating someone who was uncomfortable about meeting me, I would just say that's fine for now and be patient, very patient. I personally do not consider this a red flag at all. But then again, I don't see red flags where a lot of people do see them (and I'm sure I miss some occasionally...)
Someone insisting on a don't ask don't tell arrangement in which they insisted on not hearing anything about IV would define, to a degree, the nature of our relationship. IV is a big part of my life, a lover not wanting any association of any kind with a big part of my life is necessarily limiting our level of intimacy. It's really a self-adjusting situation. CV, for example, is dating a girl and has been for some time who does not want to meet IV. Apparently this gal stated this from the beginning and has never wavered from that course. She's just not interested in that aspect of CVs life. No doubt this has had an impact on the intimacy between she and CV, but it hasn't prevented him from enjoying her company nor has it had any impact on IVs life.
It is entirely possible that someone not wanting to meet IV is not ready to be in a relationship with someone like me. That isn't necessarily what it means, but that could be considered a "red flag" if someone wanted to be alarmist about it.