Originally Posted by Librarian
My demands or requests to have open communication with the man my wife is now seeing have been flat out denied by him. While I wanted this to be open and honest, she says that he finds the prospect just far to weird and uncomfortable. My wife explained to him that for me, this could be a deal breaker. He called that bluff. When my wife got home from a seeing him (they had made out), she was sad to think that this was the end of it all.
I couldn't stand to see her so sad, but I couldn't be dishonest with my feelings. I explained to her that if things stayed at just kissing and a few dates here and there, I could handle it. After all, she is completely right in that I had helped plant this seed in her head for months.
But, how does your wife feel about all this? Is it important to HER that you guys meet (not because she senses it's important to YOU - big difference here). Do you guys have agreed on veto power? Because that's what the 'dealbreaker' thing sounds like.
If she is ok with you two not meeting for now
, why does the fact that you find this hard to handle, mean that she has to break it off?
I've been with one of my BF's for 18 months. I did not meet my BF's primary partner until last week. I had said from the very beginning I would like to meet her. She was uncomfortable. He was ok with that and did not push or pressure anything. When she was ready, we met and it was great. I always knew that he talked about me with her (although I did not realize the extent of that until I met her), just like he talks about her with me and done that all the time we've been together.
If my husband started dating someone who was uncomfortable about meeting me, I would just say that's fine for now and be patient, very patient. I personally do not consider this a red flag at all. But then again, I don't see red flags where a lot of people do see them (and I'm sure I miss some occasionally...)
I also don't think that the fact he doesn't want to meet means it cannot be open and honest. FWIW, I've met my husbands GF on numerous occasions, en she has cheated on my husband since then, and cheats on others. No guarantees, you know