Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
I agree with Mags that, ideally, your wife should care enough about your happiness to be willing to put her foot down on this matter. If she won't, it doesn't bode well for when bigger things may come up. She can find another guy to crush on and make out with if this guy isn't willing to be even slightly accommodating for your comfort.
Which is really at the center of the issue. The guy has the right to do exactly what he wants to do. If he doesn't want to meet the OP that's his business and any harsh judgments about him are petty. He thinks its weird to meet the husband of the girl he's dating *shrug*
Annabel made the statement here that I think is really important to consider. There is a conflict between how the OP and Wife feel about the deal-breaker-ness of BF meeting the OP. Which... wait for it... is entirely her prerogative. Maybe they started out agreeing "Yes, it's important that everyone meet at soon as possible" but it sounds like there was some unexpected flexibility in what they agreed on. I'm not aware of what was actually said, just throwing a guess out there.
In my world, when I have an insecurity issue about IV, I need to deal with it. If I can have a conversation with her that will *not* be interpreted as prompting her to alter her behavior then I might do so. If she, in turn, chooses to adjust her behavior in a way that is beneficial to me then that is her prerogative but I am not entitled to her concession. She's not my employee or my cat, she's a fully functional entity who is distinct from me in every way possible. I do not expect that when I'm having an issue she should instantly fall all over herself in service to my insecurity.