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Old 05-10-2013, 01:29 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,344

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
I live in a world where being involved with a married man is not normal, and in fact, is wrong. I GET intellectually that my BF's wife's knowledge and consent change a great deal. But it doesn't change my emotional response. Just a suggestion for how he's feeling. He may have no thoughts of pretending he's with a single or cheating woman.

To be asked to sit face to face with someone when I've been physically active with her husband would be the emotional equivalent of being pressured into doing sexual things with which I'm uncomfortable. If he were to tell me it's either dinner with her and him, or break up, I'd say, "I've treasured every moment. Bye."
What? Are you saying you are currently absolutely refusing to meet the wife of your bf? Because you've been fucking him, it feels "sexual", or somehow extremely violating, to meet his wife? Gosh. You're so afraid of meeting his wife, you'd break up with the man you love, rather than spend an hour or 2 having a coffee with his primary? This is such an extreme reaction.

I can also see how, for someone not used to this, the demand that, "My husband insists he must meet you," might come across as a bit of a possessive thing...
No, not "my husband insists," that is shifting blame. If, in the OP's case, his wife cares that he is comfortable, she should tell her bf, *I* need you 2 guys to meet. How can she keep dating the new guy if her darling husband is miserable and just needs a quick meetup to feel much better?

... as the husband making sure the newcomer knows his place and that he better not step out of it, knows who's really in charge here. It would certainly feel like the husband calling the shots in this guy's relationship.
This *could* be how *you* feel about meeting your metamour, but again, WHAT? such an extreme reaction, this assumed underground power struggle, just because someone wants to see who the hell their beloved spouse is spending so much intimate time with?

I don't get the feeling at all that this is what you intend, but you have to remember, you've invited this man into a world with which he is totally unfamiliar, a world that turns convention on its head and throws everything he knows about marriage out the window. In many ways, he's walking in the dark, not knowing what to expect.
Well, anyone dating a partnered poly woman better face up to the fact she is NOT 1) cheating (which is "bad" but acceptable in mainstream society), nor is she 2) single! She is poly, and in poly, certain new things come with the territory.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixie (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (single, poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Seeing Rick and Glori (MF partnered, both 33 and poly) since September 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's bf for 3+ years
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