In the end, you didn't care what she wanted. You only cared that she didn't want YOU. Would you have insisted that your husband continue to be affectionately demonstrative with her, even if he had realized he really wasn't into her, because it's "all or nothing"? Somehow I don't think so. Somehow I think you would have respected his feelings and autonomy more than that.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.