Knowing that some relationships work out and some don't, when you tell someone it's "all or nothing" -- two relationships or neither -- you're putting them in a cruel situation where there's so much weird pressure that I think it decreases the chances of either relationship working. "Hmm, I'm not sure how I feel about this person. But I guess I have to continue opening my body and heart to them in order to be with this other person I deeply love. It's worth it for love... right? Sure does feel uncomfortable though..."
I'm not saying your girlfriend has been perfect in this situation, it sounds like some of her behavior was messed up. But I really think your approach is the driver of all the problems here. I hope you consider that "side relationships" aka "relationships that dont put people in the position of feeling like they have to simultaneously make two brand new hard things work in order to have either" might actually be the smarter, more ethical, and more functional choice.
I know this is harsh, I'm just so, so, so, so tired of reading variations on this exact same story.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Last edited by AnnabelMore; 05-10-2013 at 12:26 PM.