17 days shy of 4 months and finally Im starting to randomly get the effects of that permanent choice. A song on Pandora started it, got the tears flowing and even while shifting through my clothes, his smell is still on those damn black jeans. Now Im drowning myself in music that makes me hurt for him.
"Im sorry I wasnt good enough, in your eyes I just never added up. In your heart I know I failed you. If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets? Just dont hate me for never standing by you or being by your side. Please dont blame me, I only did what I thought was truly right. Would it numb the pain? I remember everything. I cant forgive you now. I still cant change the past, if we could start again, would it have changed the end? I remember everything."
If you know that song even though its in pieces, that is the song that makes me hurt the most. I miss him. And Im never going to see him again. Im never going to hear him laugh or hold him or bitch at him and watch his skin turn red during sex. Just .. yea. Im done for the night.