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Old 05-10-2013, 02:59 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by Oly1 View Post
I was clear that I will never truly support a relationship that involves cheating, and would only tolerate it.
Is your support (truly or otherwise) a requirement of her relationships? I mean, I can get that you wouldn't want to actively support (giving rides, loaning money, etc) her seeing her lover but do you expect that your personal opinion about what your wife does with her time should be a deal breaker in her decision making?

Originally Posted by Oly1 View Post
And also voiced my need to be allowed to feel (and say) it's wrong, or have my own insecurities and issues, without being blamed that I am in some way making/asking her to stop doing what she wants so bad.
You're saying a couple of things here which seem to be getting conflated into one idea. You are OF COURSE entitled to your feelings and opinions in all things. No one can give you the right to do that... you just have it.

Calling someone out on what you perceive as conflicting with a moral axiom is another matter. I always concede that someone can express whatever opinion to me they like whether it is welcome or not. I have, in turn, the right to instruct them to live their own lives, or turn and walk away from them and adjust the nature of our relationship accordingly. Someone should have enough respect for me to keep from speaking at me in ways I find unpleasant - if they don't then clearly we are not going to get along for much longer.

So, you can insist on calling your wife out on enabling a cheater and she (as a fully functional adult) can tell you to shove it, she can take it, or adjust the nature of your relationship accordingly.

The right to speak ones mind is a two way street.

Originally Posted by Oly1 View Post
So they are going to see each other again. And I hope we handle it better this time around. Any advice or insights?
You worry about your relationships, let your wife handle hers.
You worry about your career, let your wife handle hers.
You worry about your emotions, let your wife handle hers.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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