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Old 05-10-2013, 02:21 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by Josie View Post
I hate being called selfish. It's one of the worst insults someone can give me; for a whole bunch of personal reasons. So, when I've been trying so hard, it pains me that someone would call me that.
"Selfish" gets a bad rap. We're all being selfish, almost all of the time, it's why we are able to survive. People get selfish mixed up with "mean" and "sociopathic". It doesn't mean that, it just means that you're looking out for number one. Any derogatory stigma that comes along with it is usually just associated with people thinking you're not doing enough for them (they are entitled to their opinion).

You ARE being selfish by setting up rules for how your boyfriend behaves. You would say it's for good reason, but that doesn't change the fact that you are absolutely putting your needs over others and letting them deal with whatever comes from it.

Personally I think rules about what time he needs to come home or check in with you are unreasonably controlling. It sounds like what a parent would tell their kid "now you come straight home when the streetlights come on". He seems willing to make these sacrifices for you to keep your lack of ability to control your own emotions from doing any damage to the relationship... that's his call.

However I would again agree that B is making what appears to be a factual statement. He's making concessions to preserve your relationship. He could just tell you "You're an adult, I'm sure you can handle your own emotions"... I doubt that would fly very well.

Just because someone says something we don't care to hear doesn't make what they said untrue or unreasonable. Sometimes the truth is the scariest thing a person can say to us.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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