Hopefully your wife will understand
that if some potential new boyfriend isn't willing to meet you, he isn't worth wasting any effort on. I can sympathize how hard it can be to find the right person, and how your wife might be inclined to carry on with the relationship even without him meeting you because she probably hasn't found many men she considers date worthy who are willing to see a married woman.
But meeting the Significant Other, in person, really does go a long way in preventing many, many problems. It really is a good policy to have. Especially since it seems that you and your wife have no problems about genuinely caring about each other's happiness. I don't want start a debate about strict definitions of open and poly relationships because it doesn't really matter what you label the style or flavor that works for you and your wife. Regardless of what you call it, there are many successful "open" relationships that would not be successful if they could not meet the other lovers, partners, "friends" or whatever you want to call them
I personally believe that having no contact with your wife's boyfriend will end up putting too much unnecessary pressure and stress on her as she will end up being the one who gets left holding the bag for any misunderstandings.
Talk with your wife, it sounds like she will understand why he might not be the best man to get involved with, but you have to be able to understand how she will be disappointed. It's true that the best chances of having successful other relationships greatly depends on concern for each other's happiness, however, being over sensitive can be deleterious. It doesn't do any good to feel like you are the roadblock to your wife's happiness when another person doesn't fit your marriage's poly framework.
Some people's style is to give total free reign and just deal with it, which is admirable, but I know for me that is not the best way to go about it. Just because this person may not be right for you doesn't mean he doesn't exist.
Last edited by Dirtclustit; 05-09-2013 at 08:07 PM.