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Old 05-09-2013, 07:16 PM
monopoly4376 monopoly4376 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 8
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Natja:
I'm on my phone typing this all out, so I'm sorry if something doesn't make sense.

It is the same guy, yes. I haven't meant anyone new.

Wait, one woman? Two men/women? Is that...(>.<). It sounds like he wants me to be the only woman, then. He's been saying that I can find someone else too, but... I so didn't want to be the only woman. Maybe he's getting the definitions wrong, or...maybe I'm extremely thick and he's been trying to tell me that I'm the only woman this whole time (last few days). Man. I really hope he's not thinking that I'm the only woman :/.

He hasn't been saying it in a "I want to control you" sort of way, but he's definitely been precisely mentioning what all he wants whenever I pose questions to him. I just keep getting the impression that he was no idea what he's doing. Well, that's true, he's never done this before and neither have I, but I rather wish he'd have had a more concrete plan when he asked me to be his wife and I said yes. (All he said was "be my wife in a poly family?", and I said yes without understanding that he didn't want to even take me to the courthouse.) oh, and I definitely hope anything sexual will be private (>.O).

Oh, so, it just usually happens that poly relationships happen after marriage? Oh. Well, if that's the case, then it kind of "technically" makes sense to not marry, like he wants. He's also been talking about taxes and stuff, and I'm getting the impression that he's politely telling me that I have no talent for taxes, jobs, and stuff like that. I'm trying not to be offended, but he's still living with his mother and is showing no signs of getting a job. So, if he wants poly, in my opinion, he's not wanting it that bad, which means that ... Well, it means that I have time to find someone to bring into the relationship, if I wanted to. Or I'll just be sitting on my hands for years :/.

All I want is... I just wanted to be married in the eyes of the law. I found a law book at the library the other day, and it was talking about common law and how sometimes it's not allowed in whatever state: all he told me when I told him what I'd found was "good job". As if I'd fetched a stick. I would be perfectly willing to go to the courthouse and not have the bells and whistles. But I do see you points, and I can understand what you're saying. As for my children, yeah, that's going to be even more to learn about, especially depending what state we live in.

Thank you so much for replying!!
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Nycindie:
He wants me to be his non-legal and non-spiritual wife. He won't take me to a courthouse, and he won't set foot in a church. He says that marriage is more about the bond. Well, I see his point, but... But, well, he wants to give me a ring. I don't have the guts to keep asking him why he won't take me to the courthouse.

Ha, yeah, that's it. I don't know this other guy or if this guy is even okay with being with me. Wtf indeed!!

So, protect myself (I've already told him that I'm out with my kids if weird stuff goes down), don't have joint money accounts (that is a good idea; will do), and find out what's going on. Got it. Only...it's hard to find out because he can be persuasive sometimes. Still, I've been working hard at asking him loads of questions.

Thanks for everything!!
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