I read your blog a few weeks back, but I did not get the chance to reply.
From all that I have read in your blog and in this post, it seems like she is just not into you. If ever you had any doubts, her saying that she only wanted him should have been the flashing neon sign. You having to issue any kind of "all or nothing" type of deal should not have ever been an option. Turning away from kisses from you, but happily engaging in PDA with your husband any time is a red flag for me. Talking something over with your husband and making them right without including you in the conversation? Red flag. You mentioned in your blog that if you treat her like a friend as opposed to a girlfriend when you are out, she "freaks out," but if you are in her area of the city, she pulls away from PDA. If I did not know any better, I would say she was only dating you to be with your husband.
I may be the only one who thinks this, but as much as you love her and care about her, I believe the relationship might need to end. It seems like a miserable existence.
You and Nails presented yourselves as a package deal, and she only wants the contents of the package, the ribbon/the paper, or the box it came in. Do yourselves and her a favour and end it now. She is not what you both want, and you are not she wants.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.