I just want to make sure that if we're deciding to schedule more time, it should be our time.
Ha. You'd think that would have been easy. But no, T freaked out. She thought I was trying to control her. So, she said she couldn't deal with the conversation and avoided me the rest of the day.
I caught up with her pretty late, and we talked. I think it's a reasonable request, but we almost always think our own requests are reasonable. Partly she thought I was telling her she shouldn't have talked to X the night before. I explained that wasn't the case, I was thinking of upcoming Monday when we have a special night planned. She felt "a tiny bit" better, and I didn't want to push. Adding pressure makes her withdraw more, and giving her time to process has always worked before. She texted me a couple hours later and made sure I wasn't freaking out too. I told her, no, not right now, but if we're still doing this Friday, then I will start freaking out.
On the plus side, wife and I talked some more and had a nice albeit short night. She confirmed she's worried about a night with T ruining the rest of the vacation. Then I spent the next hour telling her how much I love K and how wonderful she makes me feel. She's really amazing.
A few weeks ago we did a relationship health check. We made a list of relationship needs, how well they were being fulfilled, and how we thought we were doing for the partner. Where it was interesting is where we thought we were doing much better than the partner though we were. For example, I thought I did a lot of housework. K said it needs improvement. I had no idea she was dissatisfied. Conversely she doesn't do "words of affirmation" hardly ever so I was feeling neglected on that front. Since we did that exercise she's been a LOT more talkative and expressive. I love it.