I have been thinking lots about multiple loves recently as I sort through my feelings about my old love who died last year and about the deaths among my friends and the family of friends this year.
In the past, I have added new dogs to the household infrequently. Infrequently because of a lack of time and money not because of a lack of desire. In the past, I very much enjoyed the process of searching for and then settling in a new dog - learning about them and helping the dogs already in the household come to love and appreciate the newcomer.
Not now. Now C is the only dog in my household. I have made changes in our lifestyle to allow him to spend more time with other dogs and for me to spend more time with people who have dogs. I don't want him to miss out on the company of his own kind.
At the same time, I have no energy or desire for another dog. I find myself worrying too much about upsetting C, about him not getting along with the other dog, about a myriad of things that can and do go wrong in multi dog households. I find myself doubting my energy and commitment to working through these issues.
I enjoy it just being C and me. My time is not divided among the needs of multiple dogs which means that I have the time, energy and money to alter my lifestyle to suit C's needs. C seems content and I'm happy for the time being for it be just me and him. Feels weird in a way because I had always been committed to living with more than one dog and have always desired more canine love.
For the moment, I'm resting. I think this may be a reaction to grief and I hold the possibility in my mind that we may meet a dog who would be perfect for our household and that my mind could be changed.
I wonder too if that happens will it result in a shift in my attitude toward romantic relationships?