Hey, if you've got boundaries, you've got boundaries.
I would also be uncomfortable with not getting to meet one of my partner's OSOs. For me, jealousy is reduced to nothing once I am in the same space with their partner, even if it's only a time or two. Every time I've made the effort to meet a metamour, any jealousy immediately dissolves, and compersion results.
I don't know why your wife would feel contempt for you for wanting to at least briefly meet her new bf. I can understand why he'd be scared, god knows we read that here a lot, where a new partner is too scared to meet the primary. But, beware. It doesn't speak well for her bf.
Meeting a new partner is a boundary many of us have. I'd feel sick if one of my partners had another partner who refused to meet me, just for an hour or two!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
There's no lying in polyamory!
I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)