Reaping what I've sown
You ever think you have a craving for something? Go to a restaurant, order it off a menu, and find that it isn't what you wanted at all? Furthermore, it doesn't even really look like it does on the menu. That's about how I feel right now.
My demands or requests to have open communication with the man my wife is now seeing have been flat out denied by him. While I wanted this to be open and honest, she says that he finds the prospect just far to weird and uncomfortable. My wife explained to him that for me, this could be a deal breaker. He called that bluff. When my wife got home from a seeing him (they had made out), she was sad to think that this was the end of it all.
I couldn't stand to see her so sad, but I couldn't be dishonest with my feelings. I explained to her that if things stayed at just kissing and a few dates here and there, I could handle it. After all, she is completely right in that I had helped plant this seed in her head for months.
So, I'm now terribly frustrated with things. I'm not happy at all. My wife is very, very worried that she is hurting me. I refuse to say that she has, because she hasn't, really. I said things. I did things. I helped bring this whole thing about. Actions are pointless if they don't have consequences, so I've resigned to take responsibility for my part.
Still, where I was supposed to be also getting some joy or satisfaction out of her relationship with him is totally gone. I just need to settle into the idea that she is poly and I am not.
As it stands, I've explained to her that because of his inability to compromise and give me even a shred of what I want, I really have lost respect for him. I get that the situation is just as new and awkward for him, but c'mon! Whereas I was fine a few days ago to listen to her talk about him, I now feel like he has almost broken me down to the point where I don't even want to acknowledge him, just like he is choosing not to acknowledge me. It just doesn't seem right, but what can I do at this point?
I still insist that I want her to be happy. Asking her to end things would only breed contempt for me. I guess I just need to let things go on this path. Hope things get better. Hope I feel better. You reap what you sow.
My last thread got a bit derailed. That's ok. I feel that these new developments warrant a new thread anyway. I appreciate any advice or feedback you all might have. My wife and I talk and talk and talk, but I need to get it out and see some other perspectives.