So I did go and see BGuy.. on the way over I very briefly contemplated changing my mind about the no PIV sex. But decided not to think about it until it became necessary to think about. The thing is, C and I are no longer fluid bonded, and he has big issues with condoms, so we haven't had PIV sex since he started sleeping with Molly, and the whole sex thing has become emotionally heavy and difficult between us. I doubt we'll be having 'real' sex in the near future. I think and hope we can bring the fun and playfulness back even with 'just' other forms of sex, but we're not quite there yet.
So that definitely influenced my decision to tell BGuy when we were in bed together 'ok get the condoms'
and I was so glad I did, we had some awesome sex, fun, warm, light, respectful and hot. He adores my body and is very much turned on by it and knows how to do nice things with it
Besides the fact that really good sex made me feel really good, I think it also made such an impact that for maybe the first time in weeks, I felt I was taking things in my own hands, did what I wanted to do, made my own decision about my own body and my own experiences. The shift towards being in a better place had already begun but that night with BGuy really tipped it over the edge. I haven't been panicking or anxious or stressed since. I feel good about C, am looking forward to seeing him this weekend, and am no longer constantly worried he will ' pick her' over me or that I am no longer important to him.
I think it was the week alone, and the night with MrBrown and Liza, and the night with BGuy, all together that finally helped me get some perspective. I feel so much better and calmer.